I learned this morning that Jerry Orbach, the man who portrayed New York Police Department Detective Lennie Briscoe on the television show Law and Order, died yesterday of prostate cancer. Needless to say, I am deeply saddened. Lenny Briscoe was the most intelligent and funny character on the L & O set. Hell, the reason I started getting into Law and Order was because of Orbach. He was supposed to be on the new L&O show. His diagnosis was looking good. They though he had this thing licked. Jeez, I’m talking like I was talking about Clarissa all over again. Still, how you can not be saddened when the man New York City officially proclaimed "the living landmark" dies? Jeepers. You can’t be replaced, Jerry. We’ll miss ya.

Merry Christmas, bee-yotches!!

Okay, I finally at least got one of the shots from my trip to New York City up. This one is a shot of a Christmas tree on Wall Street. I’m pretty sure that Trump got pissed because more people were crowding around this building than his. Trump is a big egomaniac. At any rate, I hope you guys have a Merry Christmas. That’s right. I said "Merry Christmas", not "Happy Holidays". Not I personally think or care if Christmas is superior to Hanukkah or Kwanza. I’m not going to change the greeting just to not offend anyone.

I went to the library yesterday. The copy of Ann Coulter’s How to Talk to A Liberal finally came in. I don’t know why I read this woman’s books. I bought a copy of Slander. Bleech. I’ve read Treason. I’ve read her columns, which is nothing more than masturbation material for the playbook conservative who merely wants his or her insipid world view reinforced without any logical basis. Then again, the phrase "logical conservative" is an oxymoron anyway. It’s people like her and Rush Limbaugh that is the cause of breakdown of intelligent political discourse in this country. Liberals sling smack as well, but I see it more as fighting back. Conservatives have had a strangle hold on the direction of political discourse for so long that it’s nauseating. Yet, Ann Coulter has the nerve to say that conservatives get no media coverage. Whatever. Still, it is wise to get all sides of the argument before you make a decision. What a concept, neo-cons! Would it hurt anyone, liberals or conservatives, to actually take each issue on a "case by case" basis and think through it and come to a decision instead of parroting the party line like the myrmidons that you are? My God! Ann needs to take a couple of lessons in constructing arguments from Neal Boortz or Michael Savage. Although I don’t agree with everything they say, they do have some rational arguments from time to time and can articulate them with some logic.

The Robert Blake trial is currently underway. Figure he’ll skate on this one? Let’s go through three other high profile cases in the Golden State’s past, shall we? We have four Los Angeles police officers beat an unarmed motorist on camera and did everything except tie him and hoist him by his belt and give sticks to blindfolded Hispanic children with promises of candy. The cops are acquitted. We have a former NFL football player who is accused of killing his baby’s mama and her friend, covered with more blood than the audience of a Friday the 13th film marathon. The jock is also acquitted. We have a man whose old lady and unborn child wind up dead. Without a single iota of forensic evidence and because he is banging some other broad on the side, he is found guilty. So I have no idea how this is going to go.

To my wife, my family, and my friends, I have just four words. Thank you for everything.

I’m sorry, but today I’m mentally drained. I feel that someone has taken my skull out of my head and threw it in a shredder. There was this Christmas contest at work where you have to do the best decoration. Every team did their best, I think. It’s just the smack talking and animosity, real or in jest, that was bothering me. What was supposed to be a funny little exercise in teamwork turned into a bloodthirsty compensation with lots of psychotic testosterone coming from both sexes. Look, people. It’s just a contest, okay? No need to be so hostile. We decorate, drink some punch, listen to some Christmas music that not too fucking annoying, and try to have a good time.

The bad thing is that I go to work not only to pay the bills, but also to get some sense of peace. At least at work, there are some elements that are under my control. There is not someone at work here monitoring every single solitary move that I make and demands to be informed of each move. There isn’t anyone at work yelling at me. There isn’t anyone at working making concerted effort to verbally degrade me. There isn’t anyone expecting me to carry the entire burden. There isn’t anyone at work expending energy saying that the failure of my team is my fault and my fault alone. I just do the best I can every day and punch out. Every now and then, someone gives me props for it. That’s all anyone ever wants. Props. Too much to say for, I guess.

The trip to New York City was cool. Very exciting. It was the first time that I was up there in 14 years. Last time that I was up there, no one had ever messed with the Twins Towers. Funny how much the city has changed. I was up there with my friend, Emily. I goof on her because she’s from New Jersey, but she is the best friend that I have. I just wish that 850 miles didn’t separate us sometimes. Sigh.

Anyway, what New York City and I have in company is pure energy. The wave of people coming and going. There is always something to do or somewhere to go. I have that same feeling here in the Empire State of the South. I am like a fish. I have to be in motion. I have to be doing something Maybe it’s the sugar I consume. I dig that similiarity. On the other hand, I’d be broke as fuck. The bus fare would kill me.

I am trying to set some goals for myself for 2005. I want to get back to Reno for a visit. I want to clear up as much debt as I can. I want to get out of the crappy apartment complex that I’m living in. I want to work on my guitar. I want to work on my relationship with my wife and parents and friends. I want to make new friends. I want get my mind right. I know that I’m flawed and damaged: That is the nature of being human. However, it is how we deal and react with problems that makes us better and stronger.

I know I'm a day let mentioning it here on the site, but here goes: Happy birthday pumpkin. It’s been two years since you’ve left. I don’t think that I’m out of line when I say that God has a lot of explaining to do for taking you away. I’ll make sure to ask Him when we’re all in the same place.

That’s all I got for right now. I’ll fill you in on my visit to New York City later on. Peace out.